


One Shots? More Like Two Shots, Am I Right?

by TaylerTheSpartanGeneral



Category: Tom Clancy's The Division, XCOM 2 (Video Game), XCOM: Enemy Within (Video Game)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Inbetween things sometimes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Random Goofy stuff from bf
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:47:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23241199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaylerTheSpartanGeneral/pseuds/TaylerTheSpartanGeneral
Summary: You're asked to share your writing with the world (again) and you don't want to be rude and turn them down.... So you start a small book and go from there.
Kudos: 3





	1. Intro, kind of

Uh, hello! I'm quite new to posting on this site so if you find any errors or mistakes, let me know I would appreciate it. I'll keep this short, kind of... This will mainly be Division 2 fantasies and weird ideas I happen to think up, if you can't stomach it, go read something more pleasing. I think that's all, give me a couple days and I'll probably post some actual writing for this, have a good day/night, until then reader... Until then. :)


	2. Not There Yet

_It's been a tiring few weeks for Painter, after clearing out all of the faction strongholds, just for some new group to swoop in and stir up even more chaos in the capitol. As she headed out to re-capture a nearby control point, she didn't know she was being watched, reasons beyond even the watcher's supposed reason._

Right in the middle of a firefight, I must have been too focused to not see him running at me with the knife out but I certainly saw him drop dead from a sniper shot, a 7.62 bullet hole straight between the Hyena's eyes. Scenes like that have been happening over the course of a week or two, asking Ortega yielded me no answers, he was surprised when he heard about it and asking both settlement leaders might put them on edge so that's way out of the question. After some minutes the fight was over, professionally handled by none other than me and my unknown guardian angel, not that I happen to be religious though. Many hours, captured control points and rescuing later, I finally got back to the White House.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured I would show I'm at work on writing the first part, some things might change around but they will be coming, hopefully soon. If there are any writing errors, let me know I would deeply appreciate it. I hope this suffices until I'm able to finish part one of this...Pairing. Also let me know if you want information on the Agent and Black Tusk person... dude, guy. Hope to see you all later! Have a good day/night. ^-^


	3. Boy and His XCOM Happenings (written by said boy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally XCOM happenings and funny things my boyfriend thinks up in his free time. Hopefully you get a laugh out of it like I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copy and pasted from Docs with a few tweeks, such as separating the stories out a little... Kind of? Yeah, enjoy now.

**How Could You Miss?!**

Double Down (Dubs) stared into the black visor of the hunched over Wrecker. Alpha jabbed her elbow into Dubs, yeah, he was staring again. The aircraft jerked and caused Dubs to jam his foot against the mech in front of him. "Please remove your foot" came the robotic feminine voice of Wrecker. "Central, big sky here" came the crackling voice of the pilot, "we're on site, permission to engage?" Dubs stood up and smacked his scattergun, the red arcing beam began to glow. "You have the green light, good luck." As the ramp dropped Corporal Gizmo, another mech like Wrecker, was first out. The aircraft rocked and bounced as the giant metal feet came off the craft. Stumbling off Dubs looked around, they'd landed out front of a bank. Two Mechs ran ahead, their feet were torso sized, hell, their torsos were the size of two men. Dubs followed behind as they broke the wooden doors down with ease. "Hey guys! Finally showed up!" Came Cobra's whine filled tone. He was dressed in a leather trench coat and blue jeans holding a laser pistol. He was surrounded by EXALT bodies, three of them specifically. He was typing away at a computer, "yeah well better late than never!" Replied a bored Dubs. "Target secured, directives updated." Came Wrecker's voice to break the bickering before it happened. "You've got hostiles inbound." Dubs pressed to a wall and stared out to the road passing the bank. Sure enough EXALT was sitting outside with rifles loaded. "Well this sucks … how long til you're done?" He asked Cobra, "eh, five… ten minutes tops…." Glass shattered beside Dubs, a beam burning a hole through the pillar near Wrecker. "Yeah but if that keeps happening I'mma need hazard pay…" Dubs rolled his eyes as Gizmo and Wrecker propped a slab of concrete against a hole in the wall, bracing their railguns on it. Alpha panted as she reached the roof, god she hated stairs, and from the sounds of it, assuming those were their railguns, she was already missing out. "C'mon, hurry up!" She yelled to her spotter below, Zero was taking her time, but eventually, and with much bitching about stairs, she did make it to the roof. Alpha looked up, yep, clear skies, "alrigh' let's get floating." The boosters on her back sputtered in resistance before begrudgingly entering full burn, lifting her into the skies. She could see it all, from up there, she was a god, no, an angel of death! Which makes Zero her associate angel of death. Her skin turned black to match the night sky behind her, it always felt funny, tingly, maybe that's how chameleons felt. She nestled the rifle into her shoulder and peered down at the enemy below, it was like shooting fish in a barrel… except there was no barrel, and the fish were dead… and the size of a state. Alpha, along with Zero but she'll never admit that, quickly dispatched the incoming reinforcements coming from beside the bank. "Pretty sure I've still got more than you, I'm counting." Chimed Zero, "yeah well I've been in more combat ops so, seniority." Gizmo charged into the bank vault, throwing an EXALT to the ground who was very quickly, almost unfortunately, squished by Wrecker's foot, horrible really. Positioning his giant metal body against the wall Gizmo yanked the trigger and soon there was a whole new color scheme in the banks vault, which yes, the EXALT had blown open. It was a lovely shade of red and torn black cloth strips. Reloading the railgun Gizmo was rapidly set upon by two EXALTs, they were unfortunately armed with standard ballistic weapons, the rounds plinked off. Pulling the trigger again the railgun discharged… into the completely wrong area, the round literally said fuck you and your happiness, deciding to fly left of the target and break the wall behind him. Gizmo charged forward, not risking the targeting malfunction again, quickly dispatching the first operative before seeing the other collapse, suddenly missing a brain, not that they had those to be fighting a ten ton giant piece of steel. "He was like, ten feet, no, probably five!" Yelled Dubs stepping over his recently lobotomized patient, he'd always wanted to be a doctor. "And you fucking missed! How the fuck could you miss!?" It was a small room, fairly small actually, like probably someone's bedroom sized. Gizmo went silent, and stayed silent, yep pretty silent. "Targeting computer… malfunction… targeting computer, offline." Dubs threw his hands, and his gun, into the air. "See!? Robots man! Robots are worthless!" He yelled to no one particular. "Technically they're cyborgs!" Chimed Cobra from the main lobby. Quickly Dubs was buried beneath rubble, and a new friend. Wrecker stepped through the man sized hole in the concrete wall, "target eliminated." Dubs coughed and wheezed, pushing the body off. "I retract, my statement… ow…." Gizmo snagged Dubs and carried him to the lobby, "jobs done, let's go guys." Cobra said over the radio. "Aww damn it! I was just having fun with my new toys!" Cried alpha who was clearly distraught she couldn't continue her reign of terror. "You keep it up, you're gonna develop a god complex." Big Sky nonchalantly added following her bitching. "What do you mean develop? I already have one cause I am one!" With those words the sniper pair landed out front of the aircraft, with EXALT dead in the area, Dubs having learned a nice lesson about cybernetics, and Alpha…. Getting to continue her god complex, it was total operational success…. Gizmo still missed, fucking Gizmo.

_**Inspired by XCOM, in memoriam of those five soldiers that died in my most recent Ironman campaign failure, you tried so hard, got so far, in the end, you got fucked cause THAT'S XCOM BABY! Wrote this forever ago when I was bored, inspired by a real mission in XCOM Enemy Within.** _

**I Hate Creamer.**

"The package is secured" growled Krauser as he rested the corpse of an ADVENT officer against the control panel. "Extraction inbound" replied Central, well, now he had some time to kill. Krauser flipped a single bullet for a minute, god it was slow, too slow. _I wonder what they do when I'm not around…_ he thought back to the Avenger, his many friends he'd fought with for months, perhaps they were training, preparing for the next great battle!

"Hey, I got a question" chimed Artemis as he juggled two arc blades, it really wasn't juggling, more like throwing with style. "I'm sure I'll find this to be more mentally stimulating than my book." Sighed Brooks as he flipped the page in The Elders and You versus XCOM, some ridiculous propaganda book they put out to stir up pride in the cities. "Nah nah nah man, see I been thinking" Brooks sighed once more, "this can't be good, at all." Artemis rolled his eyes behind the space mask and turned to Brooks, adjusting the blades "so, we kill ADVENT, right? Like troopers and Officers…" Brooks looked over with the most what the fuck face he could muster, "yes? What is your point?" Artemis, whilst accidentally throwing one blade into the ceiling, continued "so, we know people get abducted, taken, disappear, and we know that the troopers are alien human hybrids…" Brooks impatiently tapped his fingers in the hardback book. "So, what the hell happens to the women? Like all the troopers look like dudes, and kinda sound like it… so…" Brooks pointed one finger at Artemis, licking his lips before stopping, freezing in place while blinking his eyes. "I have no answer for that actually…"

Yeah, they were preparing for the great conflicts to come. Krauser was filled with pride to have joined them. Though his train of thought was broken when magnetic bolts blasted past him. Ducking down by a crate he chambered a round into his rifle. It was about to get messy.

_Nobody respects me, nobody respects the guy who gets the stuff, nope, no one likes me. I give and I give and I try to get it right. Guess I'll face the music._ Trooper number nine hundred forty eight stepped into the main building, in one hand he held the key to life in the facility, in the other, he held the ability to withstand all XCOM terrorism. _(Translated from alien)_ "ok so I got sprinkled, cream filled, jelly filled, oh Steve they didn't have those glazed ones you liked" he was cut off by a single magnetic rifle shot, bringing his gaze up from the donut box to the crumpled body of his commander, Steve, in the other room. ".... I knew it was important but… seriously…? I guess you'll be upset to know that ElderBucks was under reconstruction too so I had to make due with that terrible Xbucks knock off."

Krauser was above the trooper in the doorway, nestling his body into a corner with a split jump like he was some sort of agent. He stared at the white box with an ADVENT officer embroidered onto the lid. He wanted what was in that box, there was no debate. As the trooper stepped in, seeming genuinely confused about his dead friends, Krauser dropped down. Pressing the rifle to the troopers back he calmly began his threat. "You're going to set the box down, slowly, very, slowly." The trooper did as told, even setting the coffee down. "Do you have a cream filled one? I like cream filled…" the trooper flipped open the lid, yeah, there was definitely a cream filled. "Alright, now, close it, and hand it back here." The trooper did so with the utmost carefulness, these donuts could save his life. "And uhh… black coffee?" The trooper stopped, seeming to genuinely think about it… _Ah shiiiiiit I knew I should've gotten a black coffee today instead of pumpkin spice…_

As the trooper shook his head Krauser fired, spilling the contents of it's strangely shaped noggin all over the floor. Slinging the rifle across his back Krauser secured the coffee and donuts, bursting out of the facility and to the waiting rope of the skyranger. As he ascended amidst magnetic fire, he felt pride, not only had he secured a vital piece of information to the resistance, he was bringing home a donut, no, he was bringing home the donuts. As they flew off into the sunset Krauser closed his one good eye, mission, accomplished.

Elsewhere in the world "Sir would you like to add creamer to that?" Trooper nine hundred ninety seven hesitated for a moment. "No, black." After all, he knew the stuff in that creamer was all artificial, it'd down right kill him one day.

**Was that too on the nose? Inspired by a XCOM 2 WOTC breakout in which a single reaper broke out a captured Corporal and killed 4 ADVENT troopers, as well as inspired by my stream of said mission where I made the joke bout Krauser wanting a donut.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a laugh? Good, everyone needs a laugh now and again. Hope you stay tuned for other... things as well, until then! *poof*


End file.
